Unspoken Redemption

Hi. So, I was tasked to write a second part for Paz Marquez Benitez's Dead Stars. So, here's my own version of what happened after Dead Stars since it's kind of an open ending story...

Alfredo stares at the varnished door as if he can melt it under his gazes. He was finally home after a long trip in places where faces of people are vague and indistinguishable. He was a thousand miles away from Calle Luz—millions of steps and hundreds of towns away from Julia Salas. Alfredo realized that after that conversation a part of him has been set free. There was no pretending that he felt light and more alive after meeting Julia Salas, a girl that he once adored.

It wasn’t easy to let go of the feelings that he had for her ever since the day that she met her at Judge Del Valle’s house. He couldn’t possibly believe that after eight long years he finally understood that Julia Salas is just a dead star—a feeling he gets whenever he would look back to those black and white days when intentions becomes confusing and times gets desperate. It brings a smile to his lips whenever he remembers the warmth of Julia’s presence, her soft gazes that once became his comfort and those rare moments when he would hear her melancholic laughs. It did not strike him until a thought went through his head. He wasn’t in love with the girl, he was in love with the memory of her and the feeling that comes with it.  He liked the feeling of blood pumping through his veins whenever he thinks of Julia Salas living as Julia Salazar. He loved the idea of being with her in his every waking hours.  Clearly he was enticed with the process and adventures that comes with an unforbidden love.  

It was all over now he thought. He has a whole life ahead of him and he swore that he would spent every breathing hours to the one the he should have been thinking above everyone—Esperanza. The girl that he swore to love until the day that their creator comes to claim him. The only woman that she is to spent his whole lifetime with bliss and fidelity. The person that he could lean on when things gets tough and unpredictable. He realized that he cannot change what is in the past but he is sure that he can change things for his future—their future.

Alfredo took a deep breath and exhaled an air full of hesitation and doubts out of his system. He twists the knob of the door and went inside the house. The aroma of Esperanza’s cooking greeted him midway to the sala. She was cooking his favorite, Alfredo thought. Kare-kare. That thought brought a smile to his face. He was thankful that he was blessed with a partner that knows everything about him. Now, it is time to show Esperanza that her choice of husband is not as bad as Alfredo thinks it is. It was obvious that he is guilty of things he wish he can undo. How little he thinks of himself for tricking Esperanza, his family, the people and even God that he was faithful to his words and deeds. This is the chance to make things right he thought and he won’t waste any chances that he can get. He went straight to the kitchen and he was greeted with a smiling Esperanza holding a wooden ladle. Despite of the fact that she was only wearing an apron and house clothes her posture and regal managed to make her look young and iridescent.

“Alfredo! Thank God you’re home safe.” Esperanza said. She was turning glances between the pot and Alfredo. Normally every time Alfredo goes home she would kiss him on the lips or on the cheeks but today was an exception.

It did occur to Alfredo that Esperanza might be losing her faith for him. After all eight years is a very long time for a woman to wait especially someone who is as beautiful and prim as Esperanza. It was a fine marriage he thought. Alfredo promised to himself that he would always treat Esperanza well despite of his confused mind. He would always go to church with Esperanza on Sundays and if time permits they go to parks or see movies. It was a routine since he has work from Mondays until Fridays. He figured that a woman like her though virtuous and faithful will feel sick and tired sooner or later.

For the first time in eight years he feels scared and a little bit rejected. This is what Esperanza must feel at the start of their marriage. He knows that she knows things that he won’t dare say in person. Behind her caring eyes lies the pain that she keeps on hiding from Alfredo. She has been through enough he thought. Esperanza is so headstrong to be with a man that as useless as him. It has to change he thought.  From now on things will never be the same. Alfredo put his bag on the kitchen counter and he embraces Esperanza from behind. He held her tight and tender hoping that he can fill the empty spaces in their relationship. He rested his head on her shoulder passing her a secret message—a whisper of air as if someone can hear his beating heart loud and fast.

“I missed you.” Alfredo whispered on Esperanza’s ears. It was soft and tingling that made Esperanza flinch. Esperanza was taken aback by Alfredo’s sudden affection. She was used to the Alfredo that would stood like a stick every time she kissed him on the lips or the Alfredo who would fake a smile just to please her. This Alfredo is different. The warmth of his arms around her body feels so foreign that it totally freeze the insides of her mind. Sure they hugged a couple of times but this is different. Being this close to him feels odd but in a good way. There is a certain feeling between them—a certain understanding that everything is about to change. Something in the way Alfredo held her feels like a promise that things will work out to the way Esperanza hopes it will be from the very start of their marriage. She knew even before she married Alfredo that he was uncertain yet he still chose to marry her and that is enough reason for her to stick with this man through thick and thin.

“Are you that hungry to feel so affectionate towards me?” she asked playfully smiling. It was meant to be a joke but for Alfredo it means everything. It pierced through his heart that Esperanza confuses affection with necessities. He could not blame her for thinking that way, after all where was his mind and soul whenever she needed it from him.  He needs to clarify things he thought. He needs to reassure her that this time around he will be a great companion for her and for their family. Alfredo stopped hugging Esperanza and he lightly cupped her small face. Without any hints he kissed her. Slowly and affectionately pouring his heart and soul into her. It was meant to relieve every uncertainty and pain that Esperanza felt through those eight years with a mentally absent husband. This is not a sorry kiss Alfredo thought. This is a kiss that speaks from his heart—an emotion stronger and louder than any other feelings—embellishing the canvas of their lives that was once gray and dull. Slowly Alfredo broke away from the kiss he knew that every emotion that he wants Esperanza to feel was delivered through her heart and mind.

“Esperanza--.” Alfredo was caught midsentence when Esperanza switch of the fire of the stove.

“The food is ready Alfredo. Let’s eat.”  Esperanza turn away from Alfredo to put the rice on the plate. While on the other hand Alfredo prepares the table. The room was filled with a tensioned atmosphere. Esperanza never thought that they would have this kind of situation.

Finally they are all set to eat. As a healthy Christians, they thanked God for their food and then proceed to suffer. Every ticking seconds of the clock is the sound that their hearts are making. Both of them cannot hear very well because of the loud pumping of their heart through their veins. They weren’t prepared for this Alfredo thought yet what better way to start a whole new life but today.

“Esperanza.” He spoke her name with love and tender. He is unsure of what he would say but certain that he would make things right today at this very moment. “I don’t know where to start Esperanza but lately I have been thinking about us. About what would it be like if I was a better husband for you?” He looked at Esperanza with an intensity she could not distinguish.

“I realized that the things that has been bothering me for years doesn’t really matter. I was too focused on what is in the past that I did not see what’s beyond it—see you.” This time something hard plummeted inside of Esperanza. She remembered the times when she would hide in their bathroom stopping herself from feeling anything or the times when she would cry herself to sleep because things were not playing as good as she thought it would. Of course Alfredo did not know this. She refused to let him see that she was being affected. There it is again the lump on her throat threatening to spill through her eyes. One thing that she have learned from this was that tears can never bring back wasted time and lost mementos.

“I know that it is a little too late but one can never be late when you know that you have a lifetime to spend it with someone. I want to start over. I don’t want to try fixing things. I want to make things work… Not because for the sake of the people but for the sake of our relationship.” There was a long silence passing between them. If Esperanza was shocked she did not show it. Alfredo’s heart is catching up with his throat he feels like at any second it will choke him. This was it the rejection that he deserve. He was such a fool to think that Esperanza will ever feel the same way but he figured that this is his last chance. It is now or never.

“I’m so sorry that I--.” He was cut midsentence.

“I understand.” Esperanza spoke. She rests her hands on his across the table. Somehow those two words meant a thousand more words than Alfredo would care to admit. It was the perfect words that unveils a promise of redemption and a lifetime of commitment. A lifelong of certainties as a true husband and wife.